Hello everyone, I hope you're having a great day. It's Sunday I just got done listening to a wonderful conference experience. I hope you all enjoyed this great spiritual uplift for us all. I was doing some thinking and on my last post. You know I kind of gave an update of where I am and what I've been through you know where I'm at now kind of thing and I always get a few people who ask me you know how did you get to that place, even despite a first relationship after divorce. How did you get to a good place where you're kind of stable and steady right now and able to handle things and then a lot of people ask me about dating and want to know how to navigate that world.

Fear is Your Enemy, Make the First Step

Men After Divorce

You know I've been doing this for five and a half years, and since I got divorced, you know, I can say I know something about relationships after divorce just from my own experience. I don't know you know, not your big success story, yet you know, I haven't you know gone gone ahead. I got married or anything like that, but maybe that is my victory, one of my successes is not marrying and when it wasn't the right thing so maybe.

I really am a success but I thought I'd share a little story with you today and maybe it might be of interest to you and it's kind of its kind of my first experience and if you guys like this then I'll tell I'll show you the truth and some other things too. When I share these experiences, I'm not going to name any names of any women whom I've dated. I'm never gonna cast them in a bad light or anything like that because if they don't need that, they don't deserve that. I will kind of tell you when I was ending the divorce married for 23 years.

You know there was an estrangement process that was kind of taking place over time and by the end, you guys know how painful it is and you know we weren't in the same rooms not sleeping in the same rooms together anything like that. Barely communicating you know she just wanted out of the marriage and I'm not gonna go any details. It was a very painful experience, and so when I finally did move out of the house there were like a couple months left before I could actually get a divorce. I moved out and during that time I just couldn't wait to get a divorc such a pain over the loss of your relationship, your marriage, and your wishes - fill that up again.

I was counting down the days that I would the decree would finally come through and I would be able to get divorced. I wanted to be able to start meeting others because I really wanted to fill that place again. You know, I lost her knowing she was estranged from me. I lost what I had with her and I really wanted to fill that place again. I said to myself, “Man if I could just find the right one quick that would be awesome and I'll just go ahead and all I'll just get married.” I wanted to recover my whole life, it’d be so much greater with Heavenly Father’s blessing over me. You know who restored to me the things that I lost and I was so looking forward to that and wanting. It was so bad, I was wounded, but you know there was a very attractive lady on the horizon.

As soon as I got divorced, I just reached out to her as a friend, I needed at least some friendship, some feminine friendship. You know, it would’ve been so nice just to be able to talk to another single person. The person of the opposite sex at least be able to have that kind of friendship. First she didn't answer me for a little while. She took her time, then she answered me back and I said hey you know we're friends. I would love to just talk to you. Just the kind of connection I need as a friend, and in the back of my mind I'm like wow. It wouldn't be bad if you know we actually liked each other. Like I said, I had this big hole, this emotional wound in my chest. She finally agreed to meet me, I met her, and we kind of hit it off. I hadn't even been divorced oh you know a couple months maybe when we met, and we just struck it up and were, you know, I you know I went out with her.

I actually touched her, you know, held her hand or something. I'm like oh my gosh, I totally forgot what this feels like. I've been missing this for so long, and we just kind of got close and she kept telling me why don't you just come back when you're another year. You've only been divorced a short time, you don't really know your own mind yet. I said yes I do, I know what I'm doing. In some ways, you know, I thought it worked out. I'm all-in-one person, I don't fall apart and lose it, and I keep myself together. Yeah, I said I'm fine, I'm good, and so anyway, I started calling her every day. We're texting every day, we're calling I'm going down to 2 meters, or we're getting more and more romantic, and stuff like this she'd been divorced for a long time, and I even knew her kids. They were friends of mine because she used to live in our neighborhood and I'm thinking man.

Live Your Life Without Past

After Divorce

You know I'm gonna be ready to go, you know we'll move ahead, and if this keeps moving forward, we'll get married. It started getting really intense, and it just kept building up building up, and I finally got to the point where I said you know what Holy Mackerel what am I doing. What am I doing, if I were to marry her, it would just be like she went off and married somebody real quick. I won't tell you the details about that, but you know how would that look for my kids, if I were to just jump right in and get engaged to somebody, and get on the marriage track with him it's not wouldn't be good for my kids after all that transition. After their mom moved to another city and married another guy living with another guy you know their dads live in an apartment that would have been good for my kids plus I realized holy mackerel I haven't done this in 25 years.

Afterword

If I've been going out and dating people I don't even know what I like. I don't even know what's good for me anymore. I don't know what kind of woman's right for me. I didn't pick one the right time for myself in the first place so I just had that I just had to stop. I had to take a break, and I had to say whoa dude slow down. You haven't even met any other women and you're all serious with this one, well if I would have been smart, you know, if I had done everything right, I would have just just started dating slowly. Here and there with different women getting to know different women, but no I just went right into the relationship and this lady kind of knew I was so new. Everything but after a couple months two or three months of kind of a serious intensity.

I'm starting to act like I'm married again. I haven't even taken the time to adjust to being single. I haven't even accepted my own reality as a single person. I still had a lot of anger about things that happened. I had just a lot of adjustments to make even though I am a good person. I consider myself together just a lot of things that I didn't understand, so I put the brakes on and I told her look. I can't do this I'm not ready for this you said you were ready you said I know I said I was but I'm really not you know. I'm not not really ready. It's not fair to you to have me have me like this where I am now still adjusting and it's not really fair to me either to just jump right into something that I don't even know what or what my bearings are as a single person.

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